Stalking The Self
I have been using a technique for the last few months for stalking the self. I started out by pausing every few hours to make a note on the state of my mind, then I increased the frequency. With some effort I was able to dispense with the notes and check in on myself mentally every 15 to 20 minutes….a habit formed. Whenever my awareness changes a check automatically happens. I try to objectively observe what I am thinking and feeling. This has led to much tighter control over my emotional processes. The frequency of emotional upset and drama in my life has dropped considerably presenting a saving of energy that would otherwise be spent on such wasteful acts. This has also given me greater control over my perception and allowed me to assume responsibility for myself down to the level of my thoughts.
D5 Creation
Huehuecoyotl,
I enjoy self stalking. I put all of my time and energy in altering my state of mind for years. I had been physically ill for most of my life and after I broke through within my own mind, I was not sick anymore. I would like to hear more about your self stalking. How are you breathing, etc. Can you see with your eyes closed?
I
My stalking is geared towards observing my actions and thoughts in a non-judgemental way. My goal is to gain control over my thoughts and emotions in order to manipulate my perceptions as needed. I have made great progress in curbing my self importance this way. When my state of mind changes I become aware of the change from the observational habits that I have developed. Once one becomes aware of ones mental states one is allowed to apply decisions to how these emotions and thoughts are utilised. I feel that Castaneda’s concepts of controlled folly and taking responsibility are rooted in this type of control. One conserves personal power while learning to manipulate their perceptions. I am also working on rooting out cultural programming in order to alter and stop internal dialog.
Stalking has always been an annoying issue to me, because I don’t like lies and I have an obsession about being honest. I feel almost kind of pain if I have to lie, or I can’t tell some things to people around me.
I think I’m just plainly being stupid person. One doesn’t have to shout all the ideas in his/hers head to everybody. And when you think that everything a person “really” is is just because of the place of the assemblage point, then what is really true about a person? If I say that I’m a shy person, and that can be changed quite easely, am I saying the truth or am I telling a lie?
I used to write to a forum where there were some people who were interested in playing with people. I guess I got so sick and tired about that infinite sosiopathic playing, which I was part of myself (couple of times I did little nasty things to people myself too) that stalking seemed to be more and more discusting thing.
Now that some years have gone by I’m trying to see a new point of view into stalking. I have realized that I don’t want to live my life as an idiot that I am and have been. I don’t want to be clever or a psychopate or anything like that, I just want to be impeccable!
Indulging in being somebody and never trying to be anything different but that same person day after day is death to me.
I used to hate lies and liars. then I discovered the usefulness and purpose behind stalking/controlled folly. The switchover in me was very quick and easy for the most part.
The thing that I used to hate about “liars” was that they lied either to try and inflate their ego or to hide negative things about themselves.
However, stalking is more like loosening the rules that society has placed upon us and that we have placed upon ourselves. My parents gave me a name when I was born. Does that make it “my” name? Legal documents say that I am such-and-such age. Does that truly mean that I am that age? I know for a fact that I am at times younger and older than people the same legal age as me. And this line of reasoning goes on and on to many other aspects of our lives. It is the expectations of others and the expectations we place upon knowing certain “facts” that is causing the problem.
One issue that has come to the front with me recently is the “hiding” aspect of all this. It seems like Carlos put a great effort throughout his life of remaining hidden for the most part. I too have followed that mode for quite some time. However, one quote that has always stuck with me from one of the female warrior’s books (either Florinda or Taisha). It goes something like this…
“Don’t lie to be believed. Lie for the sheer pleasure of it.”
I feel that this part of stalking has really come to the surface for me recently. I’ve tried to hide my past, my age, and many other things for a long time. At certain points I felt that I would be devastated if those “facts” were ever discovered by the current people in my life.
But recently some of my past has come back around to me. And in dealing with that, I made the realization, that it doesn’t matter at all. I will still tell people whatever I want to tell them if I am asked. But if it is discovered that I’m “lying”…
Who cares!
I’m going to die anyway. None of it matters in the end. I’d rather spend my time enjoying the world
It just so happened I’m just reading The Eagle’s Gift (the one book from I started almost as a teen), and Florinda (senior) said that because women don’t count anyway it’s the same wether they are secretative about their lives or not. I guess world has changed a bit, and I like to think that in my country women do count. Here women are so manlike in spirit that I think it’s usefull to really consider paying attention everything that nagualism says to men.
I’ve been babbling about me myself in life and in Net and all my openness has always got me into some kind of trouble time after time. I think it’s typical for women to talk a lot (about people and themselves) to please other people. All that information is material for those people who like to show that you’re an idiot and nobody likes you… What if I would tell “stories”, never a single fact, but always just stories… Would I get angry if somebody tries to show that that person is an idiot, who doesn’t even exist? Quite a funny idea!
😆
What does really exist? Who does? I’ve been feeling ageless all my life, and even my gender doesn’t really matter to me. No ethnic group, no certain religion, nothing.
In these matters one’s relatives are one’s worst enemies. Always telling how you look like aunt this or that, and expect that you should be just like them. The funny thing is that not a single one from my family really loves him/herself, and then they all want me to be the same kind of a person they are themselves. Strange…
People are strange.
YES!
I’ve done this on many occasions, and it has given me buckets full of laughter every time!
Stalking is not about lying. Stalking is merely observation. When a hunter stalks an animal he observes it’s habits and behaviors in order to lay an ambush for it. Stalking is about breaking behavior patterns, and fluidly adopting others as needed. It leads to a fluid state of behavior. It is an important means of changing the position of the assemblage point and fixing it in place.
i think stalking is good for emotional stability. i have driven myslef crazy with being sensitive to energy or body sensations. it sucks . i feel wierd sensations on my body and then i get obsessed with thinking somebody is fucking with me. i dont know… its gets really self important sometimes. being too aware is more of a problem when you fixate on something thats going on.i recently relearning detachment
i have a love -hate relationship with stalking. its almost like the biblical creation story. adam and eve ate that apple instead of choosing ignorance. knowledge comes with a price.
You interpreted this incorrectly. She says women are not held accountable in the same way men are. In our society, it is not abnormal for a woman to change her name, to not go to college, to be ‘nothing more’ than a housewife, etc. Women are not expected to succeed in the same way men are. In many regards, we are invisible in our society. This is an advantage in nagualism.
stalking the self is everything: sooner or later every warrior have to deal with it, recapitulation and tensegrity will certainly help to obtain a more sober vision of ourselves and of our contradictions, however, then it’ s time to act: to be willing to change and ruthlessly strike our most cherished units of cognition, to fulfil the spirit’ s requirements which are always so clear!
B)
true stalking… or masters of stalking are usually regarded as tricksters or mean… I myself have utilized stalking for things that could classify under old seer stalking.. but I think there is no way around it… all stalking done properly is devious…
That may be true, but I think it is important to consider how you personally interpret the meaning of “devious”. When I hear the word devious, I immediately think of someone doing something evil, no good, out to hurt others for their own benefit.
But I think being devious in terms of stalking differs from the generally understood meaning of the word. It does mean being sly, cunning and ruthless. But without self-importance involved, being devious has no real “evil” connotations. I’m basically just talking about semantics and intention here.
It is only a matter of perception as to what it means for someone to be “honest and upfront”. It is only a matter of perception as to what it means for something to be “true”.
This is all a play anyway. All a great drama between birth and death.
The meaning I had in mind is the same as you just portrayed… I didn’t mean ruthless manipulation for SELF benefit..
Stalking should begin with the four emotions: fear, anger, joy and melancholy.
I can understand when it would be usefull to exaggerate your persona, so as too make things “bigger than life,” and in so doing see that it’s not neccessary to take yourself so seriously or understand that certain behaviors are foreign to you or conversely, that you can push yourself beyond certain limits.
Trying on new facades may be fun, entertaining, and interesting, but ulitmately you drain yourself of your personal power. There is no honor or strength to be gained from being capricious. Acting on whim, acting out, etc only feeds self importance. This behavior is not founded in impeccability.
It is not at all a matter of perception what it means to be honest and up front. Nor is truth relative.
You all know this – it is this knowing you wish to solidify. This is silent knowledge.
This knowing doesn’t need to be defended with words or rationalizations because as we sit quietly within ourselves, we know it to be true. Believe without believing.
What is that you’re going on about scout? I think I don’t agree with pretty much everything in your post (except for the ‘believe without believing’ part). Are you stalking right now?
lilac when i read your words i understand because i was there, and even today after all my battles i must admit there are times when i feel pulled to feel that way again. my self-importance compels me to say, that there was no one more shy or self obsorbed than i. and i miss that comfy state of mind at times. but YOU can and will change. Don Juan said that “most people don’t realize that they can change anything they want about themselves in the blink of an eye”. and that he himself proceeded to “chip off” the things about himself that he needed to change.
the difference between being a sociopath and stalking in my estimation is this.
in stalking the intent is impeccability. in sociopathology the intent is the “self”. same action, different intent.
So in a way, what your saying is… only use stalking in your path with a heart… never for your self-indulgent (sp?) self-important self..
This and what Ryan says are true. I think this is the most important thing in stalking. If one doesn’t care to be impeccable, s/he might just as well go home and continue being a normal human being who finds no reasons to change him/herself something that goes beyound average person’s interests…
Every time I have been close to doing stalking the first thing I have had to be ruthless to is always myself. How can I ever consider myself as being “honest” to other people if there is any self importance left in me? Self important people like to twist every word and situation into their own good. But the most of the lying they do to themselves.
“I’m this, I’m that, I only want good for everybody” (that is: I want good to everybody so they don’t go after me and hurt me…)
And the constant whining inside the mind how somebody made this and said to ME that and oh I’m so hurt… What does other people’s doings matter, really, if they’re not actually killing me…?
Considering myself as a dreamer I’m a rotten stalker, but somehow I feel that if I don’t start taking stalking seriously, I can forget about the dreaming also. I’m dry as a desert…
It’s a lifetime struckle and I can’t be boasting about anything. Good intentions are not enough to be stupidly proud about.
😉
I went and checked the terms:
The Power of Silence, p. 78 (Washington Square Press -version):
Don Juan explained to me that ruthlessness, cunning, patience and sweetness were the essence of stalking.
My worst area is the patience. I have none what so ever. Sweetness is possible sometimes, ruthlessness comes to me if I just can’t care anymore about a certain thing or person. Cunning… maby sometimes.
But one should learn to live these things, to breath them in and out of him/herself…
Scout,
where did you find that? it doesn’ t exist anywhere…
<_< [url=http://www.cleargreen.org/english/updates/note.cfm]http://www.cleargreen.org/english/updates/note.cfm[/url]
Could you be talking of different kinds of patience, ruthlessness, cunning and sweetness?
Surely impeccable warriors don’t practice self-masochism (patience), cruelty and indifference (ruthlessness), self-importance disguised as cunning, and fake kindness? It makes me think that stalking isn’t possible without impeccability to make you feel ‘right’ moods instead of, say, our ‘human version’ of patience that is usually based on a mix of other energy-draining emotions.
Has it any sense at all to try to enter those four moods? They’d be fake, imagined and forced anyway, and they wouldn’t be impeccable and would be draining. They must come in time, on their own accord. You can’t enter what you don’t yet know. If anything, these moods can’t be forced and heavy, that must mean they’re not the moods of stalking at all 🙂
I agree with firefox, and I’ve found that my definitions of those words (the moods) progress. The important thing is to apply them in whatever form, and make the corrections on an on going basis. At first I used the moods as a license to do whatever I wanted and not feel remorse. I did this more out of ignorance or maybe as a kind of reflexive action due to the habitual position of my assemblege point. Then I realized that I had to perfect it on the self before it could be used effectivly on other people. Energy is energy, sometimes it carries me away quite a distance until I become aware of it and consciously change it’s direction, this takes time.
Well, I haven’t exactly been practising those feelings deliberately. I just have made my observations after some certain situation is over… (How did I behave and what was my inner feeling and so on.)
😆
I don’t know if one should forcefully try to have those feelings. Or do they come around naturally when one is being impeccable?
In my experience, it’s a bit of both. As with everything, it seems to be a balance of forces. A little forcing, a little releasing, until finally you reach a middle point. At that point action and intention become one, and there is no longer a need for concern.
Yeah it is powerfull stalking exersice. I notice that i cant use this practice every day very long. I writing my notebook few weeks and stalking myself. energy grows. but then something brokes inside and I can not even to look at notebook. It is hard to open it. something inside of me hate this practice. some time this pause is very long 🙂
Greetings,
I’m jumping in late here, so bare with me (intentional spelling pun).
Lying is most certainly a part of stalking and stalking oneself. If you’ll recall, DJ instructs CC to lie to others and himself until he no longer knows what’s true and what’s lie. CC says he doesn’t like to deceive people and DJ says we deceive everyone anyway – something like that. If anyone wishes, I’ll take the time to find the exact quote. This, to me, relates to their conversation about personal history when CC says “Well surely you know who you are, DJ – don’t you?” And DJ replies, “Sure I….. don’t.”
To put all that together, lying and telling the truth are relative – they’re only valid (maybe CC would use the term applicability) in reference or context of some other time or event. So basically, to tell the truth or a lie (why is it always the truth and a lie? :blink: ) you have to carry your past with you and keep reaffirming it, re-presenting it; you have to keep your personal history alive.
So one needs to see the direct connection between honesty and personal history, or dishonesty and personal history. You see, the emphasis, for a warrior anyways, shouldn’t be on honesty or dishonesty, both are personal history – both require you to maintain an idea of yourself and thus be anchored in the past. The emphasis is to free yourself of the self – to be free of personal history. Warriors are not moral. Their impeccability is strictly a matter of saving energy. And it requires more energy to drag your past around (a “good” past or a “bad” past) than to be present.
On the other hand, if you’re going to live in the world and relate to others in business and relationships, etc, you’re probably going to have to practice honesty to a large degree. You’re going to have to have a consistent idea of self to present to those people or they won’t tolerate you for long.
i would add that while yes, warriors are not moral beings, we must live life with honor.
when one does not know them self, then it is easier to lie. They have an, lets call it an “agreement” with their self. If they lie then it doesn’t have to be real and if it’s not real then it’s not presant (it’s future-fantacy-that’s come from a so called harmed or hurt past) and if it’s not presant then the person is lost in another realm of reality. To stalk ones self and to see “when” he/she is lying. They will at least, in my past, will see that it comes from fear. Regardless of wether it’s right or wrong… says that a person is ether lying to hide out of fear of rejection or they lie to manipulate (control). If they stalk them self and see what path the lie comes from, would be grand. But they should know that if they are ok with lying, than a lying reality they will create.
I don’t see right and wrong in lying. People do it to feel safe! But what is safty but another illusion of what we want because we fear we wont get it. we lie because of personal history. If we are without personal history and are presant, than we naturally become lie free! Care free. Silent and Still mind.
Personal history is what we should stalk in our self. Start taking notes next time you “feel” an emotion other than oneness or this warmth in yor chest (not to be confused with careing or sympathy). That feeling can be traced back to another time or memory which goes back further. Find where the source comes from…Know wether this emotion is worth bringing with you. (recapitulate and let go) :wacko: 🙂
AllWays