i got the fever!!!!

i have a fervor, and a doubt. there seems for me to be a fine line between unbending intent and obsession. these momments of obsession, however brief, come in the form of forgeting that this path with heart is just one of many, that all paths end the same, and i somtimes judge. If i were a christian i would probably lean towards “bible thumping”. But at the same time posting on this web site for me has allowed me to conceptulize feelings and consolidate and employ my knowledge.

my doubt comes in the form of not having anyone to critisize me and give me feedback on my progress. i know i’m missing things, an indulgence here, some self- importance there, but at the same time I can’t stop for fear of these things, i must press on and deal with these facts as they are made known to me. so feel free to be brutally honest.

it’s been nice chatting with lilac, and i enjoy reading ensonar’s post’s. having a place to express my predilections means alot to me, and the interaction with fellow warriors is something that at this time I am missing in my day to day life. so if i ramble, or seem to be a know it all, you may be right, or.. you could be wrong.

thanks all


3 Commentsto i got the fever!!!!

  1. Lilac dice:

    You’re welcome…


    I guess the main difficulty is that we are all solos. It’s very very hard to judge one’s progress when there is no-one to pointing out all the mistakes, flaws etc. in you.

    I have had the opportunity to meet all kind of petty tyrants in daily life and also in the Net, but all that has only made me more self important in that way that I’m always full of fear and aggression. I guess I sometimes need people who are the opposite to petty tyrants.

    To have people around who are detached and who have abandoned the human form would be almost too marvelous to happen… Everywhere I look, I always see these human beings full of themselves and their heads filled with “clever ideas” about life… And if I ever hear about a person who has been after Spirit and freedom – always their lifetales end up to giving up and “finding” that CC’s stories are all lies. Lies? Don’t know, but there is this strong urge in me to be close to “ABSTRACT”. I can’t say what exactly I mean with it, all I can say that this normal life of human beings makes me sick!

    CC told tales, showed just one path, and I have heard that people say that it isn’t even very good one and it’s all plagiate about zen and Gurdjieff and what ever… Well I guess people need all these paths, or there would be none. What CC said in his books is very close to my heart, and the way the sorcerers live and be in those books seems to me the only honest and real way to live and to be. All other ways are nonsense and always just manifestations of self importance.

    Of course I myself am just full of words… I stand in filth that is me, and look abowe me to see the blue sky…


  2. ensonar dice:

    I must say, it is refreshing meeting people like both of you and some of the others that have been posting on here. And I think we’re doing just fine. I don’t get the impression that either of you are the types to sit back and be easily fooled by any sense of accomplishment. We’ve much further to go, and we know it, and we will continue pushing further until the end.

    I’ve seen too many times where people on this path feel the need to run around pretending to be Don Juan… telling others what they ‘need to do’ all the time, pretending that their ‘seeing’ has told them things. It’s like watching silly little children, which is funny… but gets rather boring.

    It’s good to see clarity, and humbleness.

  3. ryan dice:

    hey thanks for taking the time to answer me, both of you. I have a link that you may find interesting, its been around for a while but i didn’t see it on the links page so here go’s [url=http://www.prismagems.com/castaneda/djintro.html]http://www.prismagems.com/castaneda/djintro.html[/url].

    have a terrrific day! 😀