[Merged]

Maybe I don't belong here... maybe I'm not CC oriented. I thought I was. Maybe I am. Maybe it has evolved beyond what I expected.

Perhaps you don't and perhaps none of us do. Do I have a choice but to be here, where else am I, or would I be? Am I here to listen to others, to laugh at them, to cry with them or just to feel sorry for them and myself? Why are any of us here and what do we expect. It has come into my mentation that expectation is itself a rogue spook, placed like a road sign that is telling us of what is in store along the road. But being a road sign it does not hold this knowledge it just reflects the knowledge that has been assigned to it. It depends upon how the creator of the sign set it up. However, anyone else can come along and turn it around, and does this change the names of the destinations it points towards, or is the sign just wrong?

Not wanting to get caught in metaphorical storm walking this path, I appreciate seeing others along the road, when they appear. It is these gentle folk or, sometimes (and some would say, unluckily) out and out bandits, that adds dynamism to the journey. They reflect something within myself that has no destination nor goal, they are more reliable than the road signs, because reading them requires I read myself and learn the language of identity. And soon might I realise that I too am a road sign walking the path, and have been directing others totally unaware of the destinations I point towards.

Maybe you are not CC orientated, maybe you thought you were, and maybe you are. You have probably evolved beyond your expectations, however your words are inspiring and I take great delight in reading them. They are reliable pointers. I am still walking the road and can see the shadow of a signpost before me, but I am not dead yet, I still think I am this person etc... I still read others signposts perhaps out of laziness, sometimes out of wonder. Your sobriety does not go unnoticed.

[true]

Thanks Wall.

[BratscheWarrior]

I enjoy our repartee true. And we do differ on our beliefs and definitions. i've been given mine based on experience dealing mostly with people. i dismiss the bumblings of the scum that is the average man. They make this place into the hell you describe. But i am very much alive. i possess awareness. i acknowledge that i will someday relinquish that awareness and will go back to that void whatever it is. Maybe i'll achieve total freedom before that, maybe not.

Here's a little nugget for you about me. Like i said before, my posts about the average man are from experience. i interact with a lot of people as part of my job. And i do my stalking thing with them. They don't know who i am. i am a being with many personalities. They wouldn't like the personality i chose most of the time even though it comes out from time to time with them.

Before i figured all this out for myself, i had another being tell me all this stuff (and still telling me). Can't call him a teacher for various reasons (well, one big reason), but i was given this information as to expect that i would encounter certain situations. Before i figured out all this stuff that i post about, i believed without enough direct experience so my words were not backed up. Foolish me. Now i talk about what i know, preferably directly and with little frills. i don't aim to be clever with my words. Efficiency is where it's at.

And apparently i've been told that i've been on this path longer than i've come to believe.

i like your road sign metaphor wall. A great post.

True, you seem a bit depressed these days. i think we all go thorough this. The ebb and flow of our path, realizing that our numbers are few and that most of the people we meet are travelers going the opposite way on a sinking ship. And dealing with them helps us on our quest to overcome false boundaries set for us and to find mastery over ourselves.

What else is there?

[true]

I have been depressed. I'm alone. I don't know anyone that knows what I know... I don't mean knowledge. I mean I don't know anyone that lives in the actual world, awake. And my own awakening has smashed my dreams so I can't go back, not that I want to. The Matrix movie is an apt description. I really thought I had some good noodles, and now it's all gone. But I don't get to wake up on a ship with others who see like me and believe in me and love me. I'm just alone.

Now I'm even more depressed. <_<
But that's cool. It's my emptying out process.
It's funny, sometimes I'm so happy and free, and the same things/reasons that make me happy and free make me sad and alone. Bizzare.

I miss relationship, my female companion. Even though it was a lie, dems was sum good noodles.

The truth is taking everything from me.
The actual experience of being set free isn't as romantic as it sounds.
"And the truth shall set you free!"
"Yeah, that's what I want! I want to be free! We should all be free."
lol!
No one truly wants to be free. But some of us have it thrust upon us.
I don't know about having one chance to grab that bird of freedom...
I swear that fuckin' buzzard grabbed me.
And now it's eating me alive (eating me to life??).

[true]

I enjoy our repartee true. And we do differ on our beliefs and definitions. i've been given mine based on experience dealing mostly with people. i dismiss the bumblings of the scum that is the average man. They make this place into the hell you describe. But i am very much alive. i possess awareness. i acknowledge that i will someday relinquish that awareness and will go back to that void whatever it is. Maybe i'll achieve total freedom before that, maybe not.

Here is a crash-course or summary of J. Krishnamurti. But if you "look" without your mind, you'll see these are not K's teachings - these are things that anyone who looks without mind will see. So try not to think of this as his or my personal view. There's nothing personal about it:

People have experiences.
Experience produces knowledge.
Knowledge produces images.
Knowledge/Images replace actuality.

So we can see this in your post. You say we have beliefs and definitions (knowledge). You say they've been given you by experience.
This knowledge becomes images - "bumblings", "scum", "average", "hell".
So now you, we, interact with our images instead of actual people, the actual world.
That means you're dead. You're interacting with a dead world, dead knowledge.
All knowledge is dead because all knowledge must be known and therefore
must be the past and static. The knower, which is dead, is interacting with its known images, which are dead.

So the definition I am giving, based on direct perception, is that when one interacts with their image of, say their girlfriend/wife, then they are not interacting with the present reality, but with their own mind/knowledge/past.
To live is to be without images, to interact with the present living world as it is, without knowledge. The girlfriend must be a complete mystery that can never be known. The moment something becomes known, it is dead/static. The knower in you is already dead/static.

There is nothing in this post that can be argued. It is all extremely clear and obvious to anyone who looks.

[Merged]

I miss relationship, my female companion. Even though it was a lie, dems was sum good noodles. 

I am bonded in affections, sharing time and place with a female companion. There is history and there are tithes. There are graces and virtues, blame and misgivings... reflection and projections. Each time there is talk of the future I cannot embark, instead I prefer to remind her of time and place. Who am I fooling? Each time there is expectation, I re-iterate the emptiness it carries with it. When met by manipulative emotional play that drinks from past habits I meditate upon stone. Touched by a moment, I smile and laugh - always careful not to hold it too tightly, not to cling - aware it could break from its tethers at any moment. Am I so fooled that my indulgence has sought refuge in nay-saying continuance and security, in denying closeness in fear of stumbling from the path of freedom? Yet closeness is here, happiness is here, more real for not relying on the future perhaps, for acknowledging in the realm between life and death there is no beginning without end?

I hesitate to think too deeply. When the mind is absent; there is no choice about these things, as it is already chosen. There is no escaping duality but to indulge in it too strongly feels like a trap? These are ramblings, falling on wet sand - they may be washed away as the tide passes. To fall on wet cement may take longer to break away from as time plays out its melodies in sequence... bar upon bar and skin upon skin.

When, as now, I see myself looking for confirmation in a world of mystery; the needle is the haystack (and disappears). A realisation tells me that truth cannot be taken it can only be served; how then can I serve without need of confirmation of who it is that I am serving, if not myself? Clean the public toilets a teacher told me. Ramble on you crazy diamond...

[Nick]

The way I have come to see death is that it is the force of change. All knowledge has death as its central motivator because every bit of knowledge gained changes us. Every time we learn something new from direct experience we die and are reborn.
That is why warriors use death as their advisor. Death actually tells us that we are alive because we are constantly changing. Hardship results in fighting against change, fighting against death through fear.
Death/change is all around. To embrace death is to truly live.

[remember]

"Death".......an interesting subject. Unfortunately to many people, it's a misunderstood concept (much present company excepted).

In my belief system, one of the reasons that I'm here, is to remind us (to remember) as a living example that Death is a reality and it's all around us. Part of the energy that surrounds us, is connected to what we are now referring to as death (here in this string). To me, death is not a concept, not a theory, not a black hole and not a place where loved ones are lost to us.

Two years ago (August 2006), I died (twice) as the result of injuries sustained in an accident. I was comatose for quite awhile, so I have no reference to our time frame and I can't say exactly when this occurred, but at one point my consciousness awoke and my dear deceased mother took me to a meeting with God (The Source).

My interaction was deeply personal and I'll skip over that aspect of the experience. However, I think it's important to convey the fact that I was completely concsious and cognitive...............and importantly, I wasn't just visiting. I had the opportunity and option to remain there (in that reality) or to return to this.......what we call life (this reality). I was not given the option to transcend back-and-forth between the two, but I get the strong impression (and it's my opinion) that it is possible as a learned skill (for lack of a better word, I'll just say "Skill")........but that wasn't the purpose of my conscious presence there.

Oh BTW, my death didn't hurt......the lights didn't go out......and it wasn't scary.

What I experienced wasn't at all like some experiences that I've read about. It wasn't a beautiful green place with flowers and winged Angels playing harps . To me, what I experienced, was a place of profound energy. Some of us may have heard stories of the almost proverbial stereo typical "Near Death Experiences".......and "going to the bright light"..........well, when I awoke, my mother and I went toward the brightest horizon conceivable........it pales any natural bright sunrise or sunset. What I saw wasn't a bright light at all, it was much greater than any light..............it took up an entire horizon, Anyway, I think that the brightness was my visual representation of the energy within that reality.

Hey, but what do I know........? Hell, in all fairness I gotta tell ya that I'm just a brain damaged wacko with a condition called "Cognitive Deficient". Yeah, my cage got rattled pretty good in the accident and it left me with a different perspective and perception...........and please understand that I'm still coming to terms with it.

My $.02 on the subject.

Regards all,

Remember (Bill)