Self Importance
I thought it would be nice if we had a place to express our battles with self-importance. I’m having a difficult time eliminatiing it 😆
It boggles my mind the extent of self-importance. It is so pervasive, it is a miracle that anyone could ever find his or her way out of that labrinth. I have recently discovered, thru the recapitulation, that my progress thus far (2yrs) has mainly just brought me to the point where I can see what self-importance truly is, and how I manifest it in my life.The recapitulation was a hard sell for me. I always thought I didn’t need it. In my mind I was acting like a warrior should act, and every day I would tweek what I thought a warrior acted like, hoping to find the right combination. I put my EVERYTHING into this task, and when I finally thru up my hands and admitted defeat things changed and became clear. But alas it has just brought me to the point where I can see the work I have in front of me and the fear I have of my truth. It blows to seemingly start over, and I am shocked, embarressed and confused at having the first true glimpse of my “self” (which is repulsive by the way :blink: ). So now I tell myself that I am a warrior only when I’m not looking, because it is something I can never become. And I can’t help but cling tighter to the only things I am sure of. My path with heart and my Unbending Intent.
D5 Creation
Labirinth is very exact word. I tried to solve this maze with my mind. But my mind appears to work by principle: “to find something to worry about”.
Self-Importance; the perfect cure for boredom.
Boredom; the cause of self-importance
Funny thing life. I was gonna post something along those lines only to find you have beat me to the punch.
This weekend I have had to face up to the fact that I am a failure as a warrior. Through Self-importance I have become arrogant. I stupidly assumed that just because I have read Castaneda a few times that I had this warrior thing off to a tee. I have been shocked to discover how devious the ego is & how careless I have been in stalking myself. With the feelings of failure comes self-pity (an old companion). I indulged for a while.
Gotta get back on my feet now.
😆
Then I began my tensegrity practice I did not find any practitioners in my town, so I studied alone. I learned lot of series from text files and book, after one year I went to workshop at Rome. Little by little I became sure that I’m not bad guru or specialist of this field. and of course I’m so wonderful, because I did that alone.
After few month I went to capital city to meet with group of practitioners. I indulge about how I will speak with them, show them movement I learned in workshop, and they of course will greatfull 🙂
I wait near the practice building 20 minutes and at last to practice came one guy. The practice hall was locked so we went to small pineforest near the road. “Unfortunately” that guy was “seeing the energy”. through this short practice I became aware that I have no breathe, no intent, no feeling of silence and indulge like piece of shit. And what is more he did all series in different speed, mood, even movements was different..
When I was going home I was in laugh all da way. I believe this acccident was the beginning of my fight with self-importance.
One thing I’ve been noticing about self-importance lately is its two sides. There is the side that acts out in the first place, and then there is the side that reacts to it (by being sickened or angered, or saddened, etc.). I’ve been especially noticing that second side.
It seems (at least in my case), that the reaction to self-importance, is still very much self-importance. In fact, it almost seems that the reaction keeps self-importance locked into place, not to mention that it can be very energy draining as well.
So I’ve been fighting the desire to be affected by self-importance. But then it goes both ways, because one does not only become angered by self-importance. I’d say the harder of the reactions to catch and halt is being thrilled by ourselves.
Right now I feel like every thing I say and feel, everything I do is just an extension of my self-importance. I feel bad just writting this. And then theirs this other part of my that’s laughing at myself. I’m so pathetic. 🙁
Golden coin: heads – self importance, tails – self pity.
I think those feelings are unavoidable. We have to watch these feelings come and go without becoming affected by them. This is what being detatched means.
It’s easier said than done. :rolleyes: